Broken Brain

Today is one of those days when I really wish the master bathroom had a bathtub!

you have to love the beautiful coloring!

Oh who am I kidding. Us ladies need a tub. Sure there's a tub in the guest bathroom for me to give Madi bathes in. But where's mommies place to relax? I'll just have to make due with one of the other gorgeous rooms in the house. Perhaps I'll take time to breath in the walk-in closet. Especially after I fill it with lots, and lots of shoes. 

It's back there...

To be completely honest. My brain has been fried all week. I've had so much going on in my life outside of my hopes and dreams, the things that I really want in life that when I try to focus on them. My brain hurts. Migraine medication can only do so much when you're thinking for three people. 

I can't wait to have the stress lifted off my shoulders in one instance of our stressful lives. Nothing stresses out a mother more, then whether or not her child is going to go with out, in any capacity. 

And what's the worse thing a child can go without? A home. So many things are strongly integrated into a child's mind at an early age when they have a safe, secure, loving home to grow up in. My daughter deserves the best that there is in the world. 

My biggest fear is not being able to give her everything that she needs. Everything that I never had. And even some of the things I did. 

I don't really know what to say from here. My brain is mush, and all this talk about the things I may not ever be able to give my daughter is turning my week from bad to worse. 

All I know is that this house is for us, and my family will finally have at least this semblance of normalcy. This security. I owe her that much after everything she has given to me. I love her more than anything. 

I don't know if any of you have ever seen Wicked. But my anthem for this week, and for the rest of my daughters life, is Defying Gravity. 

Something has changed within me 
Something is not the same 
I'm through with playing by the rules 
Of someone else's game 
Too late for second-guessing 
Too late to go back to sleep 
It's time to trust my instincts 
Close my eyes: and leap! 

It's time to try 
Defying gravity 
I think I'll try 
Defying gravity 
And you can't pull me down! 

Until Then And Always,

Hopeful Mother. Of. Madison.